Patrol Fire
2010
Look Good In Ski Clothing And Look Bad While Trying To Ski In It
It’s a continual mystery why people fall in love with skiing. After all, it’s nothing more than trying to get down Mount Everest on a couple of wooden boards that usually direct one right into the tree line at about Mach 3. However, at least the clothing can help one look good while crashing. So be smart; spend money on ski clothing rather than actual skiing gear.
Think about things for a minute; Alpine skiing usually involves careening like a madman down the slope and on Alpine skiing equipment that costs literally hundreds and even thousands of dollars. Now; most ski resorts rent that stuff and at a price that’s bound to be less than the three-month hospital stay that usually occurs after improper Alpine skiing is done by folks who have no business on slick wooden boards and snow.
That’s why spending the money for the rental gear and then spending the real money on the clothing that can help one look like an Olympic gold medal-winning downhill skier is probably the smarter move. Don’t worry about being laughed at while skiing all day on the bunny slope, because those peasants don’t get that their lives are in danger every second they’re on a hill higher than 2 feet.
And the first thing that a little money should be spent on is a nice black sport watch. This handy little instrument can tell all kinds of time, especially the time when the clubhouse’s happy hour is set to kick off. It’s certainly worth the equivalent of receiving endless huzzahs for having skied the tallest slope, though that was an accident that took place after having gotten on the wrong lift.
And maybe that’s why it’s a good idea to buy a nice black helmet. After all, it’ll hide all of the blood stains and even the gashes that it took on behalf of that egg-soft skull that it’s protecting and that can’t seem to conceive that mountains aren’t meant to fall down from. At any rate, one will look good while the ski patrol gets the medevac helicopter to take one down from the mountain top, right?
The biggest secret when it comes to skiing is to realize that humans weren’t made to go hurtling down K2 at near-lightspeed and slick and icy frozen water crystals. In fact, it’s a pretty good bet that the whole sport was thought up by some ancient Greek god who liked to see humans fall down into funny lumps on the stuff. Truly, the gods have no pity!
It’s probably smart to just go out, spend money on some seriously good-looking ski clothing and save the money that skiing equipment would cost and apply it to a nice life insurance policy. The rental stuff looks just as good outside the ski clubhouse, while the renter of it is inside, enjoying happy hour and looking really good in all his finery. Really; who wants to ski anyway?
An American Military Patrol under Mujahidin Fire
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